Friday, February 6, 2009

LEARNING ABOUT SINGLENESS

I wouldn't even begin to say I have a clue about what life is as a single adult. I haven't been a widower that long. There is new compassion in my heart for those who have lost mates, and there is new compassion for single adults, and new compassion for singles who have children. No, I don't have children at home, but this season of my life has also given me new respect for single parents.

People are gracious to include me even in couples gatherings and make me feel comfortable. At least that has been how I have been treated up to this point. No one has dropped me off there invitation list just because I don't have a spouse or date. Wanda is hours away from Jacksonville so I go alone for now.

However, I do have feelings about being a third wheel or the spare. I actually had a waitress asked me what was wrong with me as I sat with a group of three other couples and I was the odd single or spare part. 

She blurted out, "What happened to you? Why are you alone with all of the other couples here?"

I said, "It is a sad story."

She responded mistakenly guessing that I had been dumped and divorced, "Poor B ______d!"

My friends said, "Not its not that, he......."

Then she went further and said, "Are you gay?"

I assure you that has and never will be true.

All my friends are rolling in the floor at this waitresses' stunning comments and questions. 

Finally, Kristy's sister, Rebecca, whispered into the waitresses' ear what had happened to me, and then the server just about climbed under the table.

That was the worst situation I have faced, but there are many other issues.

Being single after 37 years of marriage is the oddest feeling when you get around groups that include single ladies. My heart goes out to singles in a way that I never had understood. It isn't easy for singles at all. People want to match make and put you together. Then you wonder all kinds of thoughts and feelings of how other singles are viewing you.

It ain't fun.

I guess that is why my mother said that it is good how God brought Wanda into my life without ever going into the singles dating arena. Now that could not have been any fun at all.

God is good.

6 comments:

  1. You have truly been blessed Milton by being rescued quickly from the dating scene, etc. Most of us aren't that fortunate and learn to live and thrive in the singles world. After all, I am a bride and I know who the bride groom is, but there are times...
    BTW - Did the waitress get a tip?

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  2. Yes, I am a very good tipper!

    Milton Dykes

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  3. YOUR MOM WAS RIGHT. GOD IS GOOD THAT WAY. CONSIDER YOURSELF SPARED AT LEAST FROM WHAT THAT WOULD BE LIKE.

    HUGS FROM MAINE

    http://sophie4me.blogspot.com/

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  4. Not fun being a single female after 20 years of marriage, but life ain't always fun and neither was marriage. After six years of aloneness, I've settled in.

    Quite frankly, I can't imagine saying "I do" again, but hey, if Wanda can after years of being single, I guess I could. The right man just hasn't come along, and since I don't hang out at singles' conferences looking, I may be single awhile. But hey, I've got faithful friends, a fabulous family and I'm thinking about getting a fish.

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  5. Without a doubt, women are so much better at being alone than men. In fact, I would say the majority of my friends, who have either been widowed or divorced, say they'd rather slit their wrists than get married again, and many of them had good marriages. I think the bottom line is that women are much more efficient when it comes to being independent. Men, on the other hand, have a tendency to be dependent creatures. God created them to NEED a helpmate.

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  6. Excellent comments, Traveler, and so true. God looked at man and said, "He needs help." :-)With that being said, however, I do think, that, since Eve was created for the purpose of helping Adam, it's only natural for single women to sometimes feel incomplete and purposeless without a mate. I'm a very independent divorced female, but I do have those feelings every blue moon or so.

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